Fluffhead part 1

"Hello, my name is Fluffhead." These are the first words Fluffhead said to Alex. Sure he did not say them in the same way people do, but he definitely said them. Fluffhead had this amazing ability to connect with people. He'd look them in the eyes, and if they were paying attention, he would be able to convey exactly what he was thinking.
"Hello, my name is Fluffhead." At the time he was in fact more of a tufthead, but he knew how his hair was going to grow into a perfect heap of fluff. After he introduced himself to Alex and she thus alerted me to "look at this Fluffhead," he revealed even more of his charm. At the Petco off of I-10 in Chandler this little white ball of fluff was rooming with a much bigger red haired/eyed guinea pig who acted as the dominant one and was quite mean to Fluffhead. Fluffhead proceeded to trap the other guinea pig in the chube by waiting for the mean guinea to go inside the chube and then pushing on one of the sides so that the ends of the chube were blocked by the thinner walls of the cage they were in. The triumphant ball of fluff then began to spazz out, or so it seemed to us. We had not learned about popcorning, but after learning what it was we to this time have never seen a guinea pig popcorn in a pet store as much as Fluffhead did. From this chance encounter (Alex and I had been searching around town for a chinchilla without even stopping to notice guinea pigs) grew one of the most important relationships in all of our lives. Just seeing how smart and "weird" (actually happy and accomplished unbeknownst to us) made us fall in love with him.
In reality we knew absolutely nothing about guinea pigs. We bought all kinds of stupid things that night when we brought Fluffhead home. There was the tiny cage, which uninformed people (i.e. us) believed was a proper guinea environment. We bought guinea food with seeds in it that could actually perforate a guinea pigs intestines. The most stupid thing we bought that night was a ball for him to run around in which is actually harmful to a guinea's backs. We were stupid and clueless, but it was not all our fault (although we were entirely at fault for taking him down to Tucson in the ball in Alex's lap and then putting him on the floor of my parent's house filled with dogs. I will never forget the look in both Buddy's and Fluffhead's face. One of intense, mischievous inquiry, the other of absolute fear) . Companies make these products and advertise them as healthy, safe, and essential items for a guinea pig. We also did not realize that guinea pigs need an ever present supply of hay. We found this out by emailing a shelter asking if having a friend for Fluffhead would be beneficial since he seemed so lonely at times. It is simply amazing how little we knew. Lucky for us we had a wonderful and loving companion to teach these and many other things to us.

Once again I am not on top of this....

Oh, how things have changed since the last time I posted. I finally was given full-funding for four years to SUNY-Buffalo. I can't explain how happy/relieved I was. That was weighing on me big time. Being rejected from eight schools was really difficult. I don't even know if I made it far in the selection process. I suppose I did at some because it took so long to hear back from them. Maybe I was not notified because they needed to see what peoples' answers were. Whatever the case, I am grateful, excited, and ready to go to UB.
I really should begin to hone my language skills. I have been reading my Roman history book by Carey and Scullard, but I've slowed my pace recently. I need to get working again. I just finished the chapter on the Gracchi. What truly inspirational figures, and what fascinating events that took place during/because of their lives. Onward to Marius!
I am really ready to move to Buffalo. Part of me is very nervous. After all, we have to move all the way across country to a place we've never been before with the guinea pigs. I hope they don't get too stressed out by the trip. The trip itself is going to be a doozy as well. Alex and I want to get a 4wd vehicle for the winter's and the trip in general. The Grand Am has almost 150,000 miles now. The transmission seems to be having a bit of trouble during u-turns, and the trouble is spreading in other types of turns now. The car also says it loses its traction a lot. It sounds like it is time, but I'm not sure how we will afford one. I've got more student loan debt than I'd like, and not having a job has burned through my savings and given me quite a bit of credit card debt as well. I need the summer camp to start soon so I have a more consistent/higher income. It won't be much, but it will definitely help. I'm also thinking of giving plasma, which would just be a great story in itself. I have to see how much they give for donations, but I would definitely consider it. That is how desperate things are getting. I mentioned this to my dad, and he gave me some savings bonds my parents took out in my name when I was a kid. I'm reluctant to cash them in because they still appreciate and they have some personal value to me. I didn't even know there were any until this week. My dad also told me my parents would give me some others they had taken out when I move.
Before the big move, with its possible dumping of most of our stuff, Alex and I are going to take a great vacation. We start off in Pittsburgh for a week. Then we're off to Michigan for a bit over the week including the 4th of July. I can't wait, and I'm super excited that we'll be leaving in a month and a week.
Alex has just a week and a half left of teaching at La Cima. It has been a really rough year, but she has learned a lot about herself in the process. She really hated it at first, but now she is connecting more with the kids. She is even considering teaching in Buffalo. Something she made me promise never to let her do again. I'm still going to have her research grad schools in the area to keep options open, and I want her to look at other possible jobs as well as teaching in New York. Her number one goal this summer is to write a novel. I hope she does it. I know it would be good, and it may lead to more and better writing. She is overcoming her fears of a lot of things, and it is wonderful to see (mirabile visu). How is that for the use of the supine!
It is getting late, and I should probably get to bed. I have to help Alex get ready for tomorrow. I am glad things are looking up, and I'm very excited and nervous for the future.

My self-confidence is extremely low

I heard back from both Rutgers and Brown today. Both rejected me. I don't think I truly realized how much I wanted to go to Brown. I'm kind of glad I wasn't able to apply to Michigan. That may have destroyed me if I had been declined. There just hasn't been a lot of positive news along any front recently, and it is starting to get to me. Three schools left. I am not optimistic at all. I'm starting to convince myself that I will not be going to graduate school. Eventually I will be okay with this, but there is going to be a lot of difficult times ahead if that truly is the case.

More uncertainty...

Well, it is St. Patrick's Day which means I have less than a month to decide if/where I will be going on to a PhD. Right now there is not much of a decision to be made. I have only been accepted to Buffalo which makes me very excited. The problem is that I have not received any funding yet. Without funding there is no way I can go. I also wasn't able to visit the campus during the visitation day due to finances (which are terrible right now, but that is another story). I also have not received the further information from Buffalo in the mail.
I'm really getting worried about the school situation. I still have not heard a word back from 5 schools. 5! Over half of the amount I have applied to. There was the really quick, demoralizing rejection from Washington (Feb. 14) featuring the great "I concur" line. Then came the uplifting news on Feb. 17 that I had been accepted to Buffalo and was at the top of the funding queue. Then silence which was broken on March 4 with my rejection to Oregon. Goodbye Pacific Northwest. Three days later came the very impersonal rejection from Texas in a tiny 1 paragraph blurb that I had to log in in order to see. Now again there is silence. It's driving me crazy. I'm trying not to check my email too often, but I can't stop myself. I've also become obsessed with gradcafe. The forums have been really quiet and the results section has given me some information: BU accepted two people on March 10, two people report Penn State rejected them Feb 11, one person stating Toronto accepted them on March 7. I don't know what to think. Does this mean I'll be rejected by BU? Did Penn State get my application or even look it over since it was 30 days late? Is the time line the same for Toronto and the joint phd with York? What about Brown or Rutgers? No news on either. Ah!
Good God, it is terrible. I'm trying my best not to worry, but it is so hard with how much this affects the future. If I can't go anywhere, I'll stay here and have no clue what I'm doing. We once thought of moving to Boston, but that no longer seems to be a scenario. There are no jobs here. I have no applicable skills. I'm hitting poverty levels and terrible debt. I have no health insurance. Did I mention that I am sick again, and this may be an infection which may drive me to a clinic tomorrow despite no insurance. This is not a fun post.

Hoping things shape up...

I have a feeling that I am going to hear back from more schools this week. I am still really excited about Buffalo. The not being funded worries me a bit, and I don't want to assume I am going there because if I don't get funding, I won't be able to go. While being accepted feels great, I wonder just what the outcome would have been had I not been a TA for Jennifer this last semester. She put in a lot of good words with a lot of people there, including Professor Dyson with whom I primarily will be working. As I said, I am very happy to be accepted and I am sure I can succeed in the program, but part of me wonders just how things would have turned out without my connections. The program has taken a lot of former UA students, so maybe I would have been fine. Maybe not. This thought is driving me a tad crazy. Especially when I didn't get funding right away. Did just barely make the cut with someone trusted vouching for me? Ah! I'm okay. This is why I am excited to hear what other programs think of my application. Of course there are so many factors that go into this type of decision, the others' decisions may not tell the whole story. As usual I'm just wondering if I am/seem good enough. It doesn't help with so many other successful people in the program (Jon offered funding for 5 years to Stanford, Luke being accepted to Chicago and visiting Yale, Drew accepted by Cincinnati, visiting Duke, and being 1 or 2 away from being accepted by Michigan). It must be hard for Justin not hearing anything, but I know he will get into a great school. He is very good at what he does.

This weekend went by really quickly. Alex and I were out late Friday. We went to see Matt's band, Stareater, at Plush. They were pretty good, and he plays the drums well. Andrea met up with us, so that was awesome. A band from Austin (is this a sign for good news? Probably not) called Octopus Project played, and they were a lot of fun and really impressive. There was some fine theremin playing. All the members were incredibly talented, often changing instruments between songs. Overall it was a great show. Before and in between bands was also really cool because people from the department happened to be there because they had just finished up their quals and comps this week. I figured they might be there because of last year, but as far as I knew for sure only Auld Dubliner was planned.

After the show Matt, Alex, Andrea, and I went to the Shot in the Dark Cafe on Broadway. It took a long time for the food to come out, but the place was so much better than the Grill it is amazing. I can't believe people choose to go to that douche-hole over a great little place. I'm sure it has to do with the Grill's location and its image. The food at Shot in the Dark was really good too. I should remember clearly since I didn't have one drink. During the wait for food and while eating we all looked at Trivial Pursuit questions from a version from the 80s. Some of the things we knew/reasoned were pretty awesome, but overall we did not know much of what was on the cards. Afterward we walked back to the cars and went home. During the walk there was some good bitching about Tucson urban planning.

Saturday I got up after 2.5-3 hours of sleep and taught both adult classes and the kids. Alex and I relaxed and then went on a walk with Bryan. The weather was windy and a little cold with lots of clouds. "It looked like the end of the world" out there. Alex and I ate Brushfire BBQ (we still have a problem with liking food too much). Then we went to the B-Line for desert. Alex had the phenomenal blueberry pie warmed with ice cream. I had the pot de creme which was very tasty despite how fool I was. We decided against a movie because we were tired and my terrible coughing illness. I had to take a ricola when we got home and was falling asleep while sucking on it.

Today I ran the adult quickstart tournament. Alex played and did very well. She has great potential for the game. If she keeps it up, she could be a solid 3.0/3.5 player in no time. I just want her to have fun, meet new people, be active, and want to play. I am trying to do the same with tennis. After a week of exercising, I am feeling better. I really should keep it up, and I am excited for the tennis league season coming up. After the tournament, Alex and I walked around the track with Andrea. We then went to OPG and used the fifty/50 card for another great success. The food was pretty good, and I have leftovers for tomorrow. All for 50% off.

I really need to finalize the Greg Tour of Tucson. I have almost all the restaurants decided. Now I must communicate this information better with others.

A pretty good day

Today I was offered admittance into the Ph.D program at Buffalo! I am very excited that one of the schools accepted me. As of now I have not been granted funding, but they told me that I was at the top of the queue which gives me a "considerable possibility" at receiving funding when everything is all said and done. Jennifer told me many great things about the program and also made it seem doable. I was not offered a trip, but I may want to think about taking one on my own. Knowing next to nothing about the city, it is exciting that it is within 5 hours from Pittsburgh, 8 to Boston, 2 to Toronto. Having a professional hockey team in town that regularly plays the Penguins is also nice, and the Bills play the Steelers every once in a while too.
This made up for the fact that Washington rejected me on Monday (Valentine's Day nonetheless, although I didn't read the email until the 15th).
In other events of the day, Alex, Andrea, and I walked Tumamoc Hill today. It was surprisingly brutal and very steep. This after we took our first class of yoga yesterday at Yoga Oasis downtown, which was also brutal. Oh what we do to get into shape. Alex and Andrea have also started to take the beginner tennis lessons I teach on Tuesday.
After the hike we were starving, so we ate at El Charro downtown. This was the first time I had eaten there, and I really liked the location. The atmosphere was just amazing. I also love the fact that I got the fifty/50 card from my work which gives me 50% off of my bill up to $100 at El Charro, Orange Leaf, Sir Vezas, Canoa Ranch Grill on the Green, Metropolitan Grill, Old Pueblo Grille, McMahon's Steakhouse, and Abrego Grill. It is fantastic.
The only true downside of the day is that I got a $25 fine for parking downtown in a lot. That did not make me happy, but it is okay in the end. We just so hungry.

An Uncertain Future

Alex, Andrea, and I planned on going to FioRito's last night, but it seemed like it had closed down completely. There were padlocks all over the outside of the doors and windows. There also was graffiti on one of the doors. Too bad I can't find the post on reddit yesterday where someone had written in an "i" in graffiti to form giraffiti and drew a giraffe. I enjoyed that quite a bit and writing graffiti reminded me of it.
Anyways, after finding out FioRito's appeared to be closed down (we still had a $25 certificate from restaurants.com too!), we ended up going to Caruso's. It was both Alex and my first time there. Alex got the eggplant parmigiana with the salad. She said it was one of the best salads she ever had. She also enjoyed the eggplant which was not fried like the dish often seems to be. I had the Caruso's special (1 meat ravioli, 1 cheese ravioli, spaghetti, and 2 homemade meatballs with meat sauce). It was very tasty, and I am interested in trying the white garlic sauce there. The prices were pretty normal for an Italian place, and in fact seemed a bit low compared to other places around town.
It's getting close to two months since I have finished my thesis. I still can't believe I wrote a 113 page piece of research. The amazing thing is that I could have kept going. I even cut out a whole chapter that I had planned on writing. I am currently reading Dr. Futrell's Blood in the Arena. It is really interesting, and I should have used it more in my thesis. On second thought, I am glad that I didn't. It was hard enough getting it in on time as it was.
I still have not heard anything from any of the schools to which I applied. It is frustrating. Luke was accepted to Chicago and invited to visit Yale. Drew is supposed to visit Duke. Here I am just waiting and waiting. I really want to be accepted somewhere. At this point I am not picky. I have a slight hierarchy (Brown, Toronto, Penn State, Texas, Buffalo, Boston, Rutgers, Washington, and Oregon (?)), but being accepted anywhere would be great, and I would feel honored to attend any of these schools. The checking of emails ranges anywhere from 4-10 times a weekday. In fact, how about right now? Nothing. I have not started to call my parents because my dad called me immediately when something came from Oregon (just a confirmation of application and the verification number and what not).
Concerning applications of a different sort, I still have not found a job. I am only working about 6 hours a week at the Reffkin Tennis Center. I had 4 or so private lessons with a lady, Katya, from Switzerland. It was nice. She was friendly and a pretty good player. I wouldn't mind taking on more, but I am reluctant to work when Alex is off. That is also a factor in the amount of hours on Saturday. I don't know how much I really want to teach kids anyway. I still need a break from it. But yeah, nothing new on the old job search. I tried Bookman's, Baggin's, some banks but nothing yet. Compass Bank rejected me in 2 hours in fact. It was pretty funny. I got an email saying they were pursuing a different candidate, but I had applied for three positions which upon checking the site I had been rejected for all of them. I don't really know what jobs are out there or for what kind I should be looking. Alex tells me that I should leave master's degree off my resume as it over qualifies me for some jobs. She also says that she saw a report that a master's can actually make it harder to find a job. I feel weird about leaving it off though. It feels a little disingenuous, and I worked hard for that degree. Everyone fudges their applications though; don't they? Oh well. I have had some time to do a bit of cleaning around the apartment in between the email checking.