Thoughts from my first winter in Buffalo, NY

Well, I took Lukee outside to go to the bathroom, and it was 12 degrees but felt like -1. These are my initial reactions: My North Sportif winter coat is going to be all I need. I only had on a t-shirt under it and I felt fine. My woolen UB hat will work with a hood over it. The cheap woolen gloves probably won't cut it. I may need some long johns for under my jeans. There are no problems with my use of socks covered by thicker socks in Swiss Army boots. All in all, it was pretty good. My face may have been a little too exposed, but it wasn't terrible.

The end of this last semester was crazy. 3 papers in 2 weeks gave me very little time to do anything else but write as well as some nasty canker sores. I ended up getting all As in my classes though, so it was worth it. It is really nice to do so well. As usual I have struggled with thoughts of whether I could do this or not. I just have to keep going forward, and things will work out.

I also got a lot of good student evaluations. From my Tuesday class 8 out of 22 completed the online survey (weird, I think that really hurts the number of participants), from Wednesday 10 out of 24, and from Thursday 10 out of 21. These are the results:

Tues.:

Graph LegendDzara, GregoryUGC FacultyAll Faculty

CAS-UBCATS Instructor Survey Dzara, Gregory --- Comparisons --- Responses Individual UGC All [SD] [D] [N] [A] [SA] N Mean Mean -=+ ¹ Mean -=+ ¹ Q6 The instructor provided feedback (for example, exams, papers, and discussions) that was timely, fair, and constructive. 0 0 0 3 5 8 4.6 4.1 + 4.1 = Q7 This instructor had high expectations for students' learning and performance 0 0 1 2 5 8 4.5 4.2 = 4.2 = Q8 The instructor organized class time well. 0 0 0 2 6 8 4.8 4.1 + + 4.1 + Q9 The instructor taught at a level that I was prepared for. 0 0 0 1 7 8 4.9 4.2 + + 4.1 + + Q10 I would recommend this instructor to other students. 0 0 0 0 8 8 5 4.1 + + 4 + + Number of Individuals / Survey Responses used for Comparisons: 166 / 2,726 2,243 / 29,188

Responses: [SD] Strongly Disagree=1 [D] Disagree=2 [N] Neutral=3 [A] Agree=4 [SA] Strongly Agree=5 ¹ This Individual compared with others: [- -]=0-10th [-]=10th-25th [=]=25th-75th [+]=75th-90th [+ +]=90th-100th Percentile

Faculty:	Dzara, Gregory
Question:	Please comment on how effective the INSTRUCTOR was in teaching this course.
Response Rate:	75.00% (6 of 8)

1	Mr. Dzara was extremely helpful with the information and the formats of the quizes and essay questions. They were fair and insightful. He performed well in the classroom setting and I enjoyed his class.
2	Greg is very down to earth and knows what he is talking about. When a question is asked, not only does he answer it but, most times adds little details. These details make the moment interesting and sometimes easy to remember. He makes the class laugh and understand the material. I hope I can have him next semester.
3	The TA was very helpful and would go over the lecture very well. He helped students understand if they had any questions. He gave very helpful hints on how to memorize the materials.
4	The instructor was fantastic. He was eager to teach the class and enjoyed it. He provided many examples, and explained everything in a friendly, down to earth manor
5	Greg is a nice guy and he gets us to interact and figure out some of the materials when we discuss it in class. You can tell he loves what he does and he does try to make sure the students know all the important points for tests and quizzes
6	Everything he did made sense. He answered all questions fully, or said it different ways until it was understood. He was down-to-Earth and made class fun. He spoke like he was one of us (?), not like he was just a teacher. He did what he could to help us and make it interesting. Awesome TA and I recommend him to everyone.

Wed.:

CAS-UBCATS Instructor Survey		Dzara, Gregory								--- Comparisons ---
		Responses					Individual			UGC		All
		[SD]	[D]	[N]	[A]	[SA]	N	Mean		Mean	-=+ ¹	Mean	-=+ ¹
Q6	The instructor provided feedback (for example, exams, papers, and discussions) that was timely, fair, and constructive.	0	0	0	4	6	10	4.6		4.1	=	4.1	=
Q7	This instructor had high expectations for students' learning and performance	0	0	1	6	3	10	4.2		4.2	=	4.2	=
Q8	The instructor organized class time well.	0	0	0	6	4	10	4.4		4.1	=	4.1	=
Q9	The instructor taught at a level that I was prepared for.	0	0	1	5	4	10	4.3		4.2	=	4.1	=
Q10	I would recommend this instructor to other students.	0	1	1	3	5	10	4.2		4.1	=	4	=

Faculty:	Dzara, Gregory
Question:	Please comment on how effective the INSTRUCTOR was in teaching this course.
Response Rate:	40.00% (4 of 10)

1	The quizzes that he made helped to review the material that we had covered, and it was good that he went over lecture material that we had already covered so we could get clarification and hear the information again,
2	Greg was super cool.
3	Mr Dzara is a very helpful instructor. He has a good explanation and note. He wants his students to get a good grade. Take him as your instructor.
4	Greg was very knowledgeable and got the class involved by having us discuss what we knew and then he expanded on it so it was a good way for us to learn.

Thurs.:

CAS-UBCATS Instructor Survey Dzara, Gregory --- Comparisons --- Responses Individual UGC All [SD] [D] [N] [A] [SA] N Mean Mean -=+ ¹ Mean -=+ ¹ Q6 The instructor provided feedback (for example, exams, papers, and discussions) that was timely, fair, and constructive. 0 0 0 2 8 10 4.8 4.1 + + 4.1 + Q7 This instructor had high expectations for students' learning and performance 0 0 0 4 6 10 4.6 4.2 + 4.2 + Q8 The instructor organized class time well. 0 0 0 2 8 10 4.8 4.1 + + 4.1 + Q9 The instructor taught at a level that I was prepared for. 0 0 0 4 6 10 4.6 4.2 = 4.1 + Q10 I would recommend this instructor to other students. 0 0 0 1 9 10 4.9 4.1 + + 4 + Number of Individuals / Survey Responses used for Comparisons: 166 / 2,726 2,243 / 29,188

Faculty:	Dzara, Gregory
Question:	Please comment on how effective the INSTRUCTOR was in teaching this course.
Response Rate:	60.00% (6 of 10)

1	He was interesting, made references about the topics that helped commit it to memory and was fair.
2	Greg was pretty much the icing on the cake for this course. He was very knowledgeable of the material we were covering and very prompt at handing back tests and quizes so we could easily track our progress in the course. He taught at an easy to understand fashion and I always looked forward to his recetations. He never had issues explaining concepts to me if I didn't understand them and made it very easy to learn the material. I would highly recommend Greg as a TA for someone in the future.
3	He is an excellent TA. He will make a great professor. I was very lucky to have him
4	He was very caring snd there for his students. I liked him a llot.
5	Greg was outstanding in teaching us in the recitation. He helped us to really understand the information given at lecture
6	He was very effective, kept things fun and interesting! I like how the tests are like his lectures, made it easier to prepare for.

I feel bad because I was so consumed by writing all my papers and finishing up the grades for my students that I didn't get to fill out the surveys for my professors. I really enjoyed the classes and had a lot of fun in them. I also learned a good deal. It was a pretty great first semester minus the stress of the end.

I am currently on break. I've been playing a lot of Civilization V lately. It is making the break go by quickly. I have had a lot of trouble loading my saved player in NHL plus Alex has been playing a lot of Sims 3. Those are the reasons I haven't been continuing on such a promising fake pro hockey career. I've also been trying to learn (about) Italian for my foreign language exam.

I didn't get to go home for Christmas, but considering I didn't finish up all of my semester work (both my own and the grades for my students) until Christmas eve, I was too stressed to even notice. I talk to my parents almost everyday so it hasn't been too terrible. Unfortunately my dad did break both bones around his knee as he was putting up outdoor Christmas lights. He had to crawl all the way back inside from the far side of the house outside the TV room. His surgery lasted for 3 hours and the injury was much severer than originally thought from the CT scan. He sounds pretty depressed, and I wish I was there to help him out. My finances just won't allow it. I'm sure he'll get better as he heals.

Despite not going home, our break did involve some much needed company when Andrea flew out on Boxing Day. She missed her first, non-stop flight but was able to fly stand-by through two stops and arrived 8 hours later than expected (11 pm). It was still worth it for us. We had a really busy time. The first day she was here we took her to get needed supplies, like a warm hat, and then went to Niagara Falls (the Canadian side) at night. It was all of our first time in Canada. My enhanced license worked like a charm. The falls were amazing, even better on the Canadian side. I didn't get to go close because I had to stay close to my illegally parked car; hey, everyone was doing it. I really want to go during the day sometime, get close on the Canadian side, and ride the Maid of the Mist. We'll also have to explore the city. Alex is really excited to do so, and it does look fun. Although we crossed over the Rainbow Bridge through Niagara Falls, NY, we drove down the Queen Elizabeth Express Way and reentered on the Peace Bridge from Fort Erie to Buffalo. There is no $3.25 toll nor did we have to go through the $1 toll road through Grand Island. This also allowed us to drive through downtown Buffalo at night. I love the way the buildings are lit, and we drove down Court towards the roundabout, which has the wonderful view of the obelisk opening up to City Hall, the amazing art deco building lit up so nicely at night.

The next day we went around Elmood and froze ourselves. There are some neat shops and the architecture is nice, but I don't really want to live there. Andrea seemed to like it though. Afterwards we went to the Desert Deli for some cake for after dinner and then on to Romeo and Juliet's Bakery and Cafe on Sheridan (not in Little Italy). This place makes great Italian food. Their pizza is Italian style, no sauce, just olive oil and delicious toppings. I can see why it was voted best pizza in Buffalo. I still don't like it as much as Mama's in Tucson. Alex's gnocchi in vodka sauce was simply superb though. By far the best Italian food I have ever had. Even for dinner it wasn't that expensive. In fact, it is cheaper than Olive Garden. Hand made gnocchi for $12! As Alex put it, "Fuck you, Olive Garden."

The next day we went to Toronto through Lewiston and up the QEW. What an amazing city. It is huge and beautiful and really, really clean. We mainly hung out downtown, and I didn't know we parked just south of the UT campus. I would have liked to see that, but we did drive through Chinatown to get to the spot. Chinatown in Toronto is huge. I saw the outside of the Hockey Hall of Fame but didn't go in because it cost $17.50 Canadian and I would only like it. I WILL go back and see it though. We didn't go up the CN Tower because it was $24 a person, but it was cloudy and snowing anyways so it might not have been worth it anyway. We ate at a little fast food place called Thai Island. Yep, fast Thai. It was pretty good too. After walking a bit more we all split a nutella crepe, which was really good, from this place on Queen St. At the crepe place, I also tried a steamed milk with caramel flavoring. It was incredibly odd. Hot milk with a caramel aftertaste. We then went home down the QEW through Fort Erie, avoiding the $3.25 toll at Lewiston. The drive is also a lot calmer. Overall, it made part of me wish I had gotten into Toronto but oh well. I really like the program at UB, although I wish I could have brought some of the UA people with me.

The next day we walked through Allentown up to Elmwood before getting Andrea to the airport just in time to catch her flight. A nice highway system can do wonders for mobility. I don't miss not having any good highway in Tucson.

As I said earlier, Alex and I have just been relaxing playing video games since. It was the best New Years yet.

Fluffhead part 1

"Hello, my name is Fluffhead." These are the first words Fluffhead said to Alex. Sure he did not say them in the same way people do, but he definitely said them. Fluffhead had this amazing ability to connect with people. He'd look them in the eyes, and if they were paying attention, he would be able to convey exactly what he was thinking.
"Hello, my name is Fluffhead." At the time he was in fact more of a tufthead, but he knew how his hair was going to grow into a perfect heap of fluff. After he introduced himself to Alex and she thus alerted me to "look at this Fluffhead," he revealed even more of his charm. At the Petco off of I-10 in Chandler this little white ball of fluff was rooming with a much bigger red haired/eyed guinea pig who acted as the dominant one and was quite mean to Fluffhead. Fluffhead proceeded to trap the other guinea pig in the chube by waiting for the mean guinea to go inside the chube and then pushing on one of the sides so that the ends of the chube were blocked by the thinner walls of the cage they were in. The triumphant ball of fluff then began to spazz out, or so it seemed to us. We had not learned about popcorning, but after learning what it was we to this time have never seen a guinea pig popcorn in a pet store as much as Fluffhead did. From this chance encounter (Alex and I had been searching around town for a chinchilla without even stopping to notice guinea pigs) grew one of the most important relationships in all of our lives. Just seeing how smart and "weird" (actually happy and accomplished unbeknownst to us) made us fall in love with him.
In reality we knew absolutely nothing about guinea pigs. We bought all kinds of stupid things that night when we brought Fluffhead home. There was the tiny cage, which uninformed people (i.e. us) believed was a proper guinea environment. We bought guinea food with seeds in it that could actually perforate a guinea pigs intestines. The most stupid thing we bought that night was a ball for him to run around in which is actually harmful to a guinea's backs. We were stupid and clueless, but it was not all our fault (although we were entirely at fault for taking him down to Tucson in the ball in Alex's lap and then putting him on the floor of my parent's house filled with dogs. I will never forget the look in both Buddy's and Fluffhead's face. One of intense, mischievous inquiry, the other of absolute fear) . Companies make these products and advertise them as healthy, safe, and essential items for a guinea pig. We also did not realize that guinea pigs need an ever present supply of hay. We found this out by emailing a shelter asking if having a friend for Fluffhead would be beneficial since he seemed so lonely at times. It is simply amazing how little we knew. Lucky for us we had a wonderful and loving companion to teach these and many other things to us.

Once again I am not on top of this....

Oh, how things have changed since the last time I posted. I finally was given full-funding for four years to SUNY-Buffalo. I can't explain how happy/relieved I was. That was weighing on me big time. Being rejected from eight schools was really difficult. I don't even know if I made it far in the selection process. I suppose I did at some because it took so long to hear back from them. Maybe I was not notified because they needed to see what peoples' answers were. Whatever the case, I am grateful, excited, and ready to go to UB.
I really should begin to hone my language skills. I have been reading my Roman history book by Carey and Scullard, but I've slowed my pace recently. I need to get working again. I just finished the chapter on the Gracchi. What truly inspirational figures, and what fascinating events that took place during/because of their lives. Onward to Marius!
I am really ready to move to Buffalo. Part of me is very nervous. After all, we have to move all the way across country to a place we've never been before with the guinea pigs. I hope they don't get too stressed out by the trip. The trip itself is going to be a doozy as well. Alex and I want to get a 4wd vehicle for the winter's and the trip in general. The Grand Am has almost 150,000 miles now. The transmission seems to be having a bit of trouble during u-turns, and the trouble is spreading in other types of turns now. The car also says it loses its traction a lot. It sounds like it is time, but I'm not sure how we will afford one. I've got more student loan debt than I'd like, and not having a job has burned through my savings and given me quite a bit of credit card debt as well. I need the summer camp to start soon so I have a more consistent/higher income. It won't be much, but it will definitely help. I'm also thinking of giving plasma, which would just be a great story in itself. I have to see how much they give for donations, but I would definitely consider it. That is how desperate things are getting. I mentioned this to my dad, and he gave me some savings bonds my parents took out in my name when I was a kid. I'm reluctant to cash them in because they still appreciate and they have some personal value to me. I didn't even know there were any until this week. My dad also told me my parents would give me some others they had taken out when I move.
Before the big move, with its possible dumping of most of our stuff, Alex and I are going to take a great vacation. We start off in Pittsburgh for a week. Then we're off to Michigan for a bit over the week including the 4th of July. I can't wait, and I'm super excited that we'll be leaving in a month and a week.
Alex has just a week and a half left of teaching at La Cima. It has been a really rough year, but she has learned a lot about herself in the process. She really hated it at first, but now she is connecting more with the kids. She is even considering teaching in Buffalo. Something she made me promise never to let her do again. I'm still going to have her research grad schools in the area to keep options open, and I want her to look at other possible jobs as well as teaching in New York. Her number one goal this summer is to write a novel. I hope she does it. I know it would be good, and it may lead to more and better writing. She is overcoming her fears of a lot of things, and it is wonderful to see (mirabile visu). How is that for the use of the supine!
It is getting late, and I should probably get to bed. I have to help Alex get ready for tomorrow. I am glad things are looking up, and I'm very excited and nervous for the future.

My self-confidence is extremely low

I heard back from both Rutgers and Brown today. Both rejected me. I don't think I truly realized how much I wanted to go to Brown. I'm kind of glad I wasn't able to apply to Michigan. That may have destroyed me if I had been declined. There just hasn't been a lot of positive news along any front recently, and it is starting to get to me. Three schools left. I am not optimistic at all. I'm starting to convince myself that I will not be going to graduate school. Eventually I will be okay with this, but there is going to be a lot of difficult times ahead if that truly is the case.

More uncertainty...

Well, it is St. Patrick's Day which means I have less than a month to decide if/where I will be going on to a PhD. Right now there is not much of a decision to be made. I have only been accepted to Buffalo which makes me very excited. The problem is that I have not received any funding yet. Without funding there is no way I can go. I also wasn't able to visit the campus during the visitation day due to finances (which are terrible right now, but that is another story). I also have not received the further information from Buffalo in the mail.
I'm really getting worried about the school situation. I still have not heard a word back from 5 schools. 5! Over half of the amount I have applied to. There was the really quick, demoralizing rejection from Washington (Feb. 14) featuring the great "I concur" line. Then came the uplifting news on Feb. 17 that I had been accepted to Buffalo and was at the top of the funding queue. Then silence which was broken on March 4 with my rejection to Oregon. Goodbye Pacific Northwest. Three days later came the very impersonal rejection from Texas in a tiny 1 paragraph blurb that I had to log in in order to see. Now again there is silence. It's driving me crazy. I'm trying not to check my email too often, but I can't stop myself. I've also become obsessed with gradcafe. The forums have been really quiet and the results section has given me some information: BU accepted two people on March 10, two people report Penn State rejected them Feb 11, one person stating Toronto accepted them on March 7. I don't know what to think. Does this mean I'll be rejected by BU? Did Penn State get my application or even look it over since it was 30 days late? Is the time line the same for Toronto and the joint phd with York? What about Brown or Rutgers? No news on either. Ah!
Good God, it is terrible. I'm trying my best not to worry, but it is so hard with how much this affects the future. If I can't go anywhere, I'll stay here and have no clue what I'm doing. We once thought of moving to Boston, but that no longer seems to be a scenario. There are no jobs here. I have no applicable skills. I'm hitting poverty levels and terrible debt. I have no health insurance. Did I mention that I am sick again, and this may be an infection which may drive me to a clinic tomorrow despite no insurance. This is not a fun post.